Fishing For Jasmine
The silent young woman in bed number six is called
Jasmine. So am I, but names are only superficial things, floats bobbing on the
surface of the water, and we share deeper connections than that. Which is why
she fascinates me - why I spend my off-duty time sitting beside her.
Today is difficult. The ward heaves with patients and
I am kept busy emptying bed-pans, filling out forms, changing dressings.
Finally, late in the afternoon, I get a few moments to make coffee, to take it
over to the orange plastic chair beside her bed. I am thankful to be off my
feet, glad to be in her company once again.
"Hello, Jasmine," I say, as if greeting
myself.
She does not reply. Jasmine never replies. She is down
too deep.
Like me, she has been sea-damaged. I too am the
daughter of a fisherman, so I bait my words like fish-hooks, cast them into her
ears, imagine them sinking down through cold, dark water. Down to wherever she
may be.
"I have little time today," I tell her,
touching her hair.
With Jasmine, it is always difficult not to touch. She
is that rare thing, a truly beautiful woman. Because of this, people invent
reasons to walk by. I catch them looking, drinking her in, feeding on her. They
are barracuda, all of them. Wheelchair-pushing porters who slow to a crawl when
they near her bed. Roaming visitors with greedy eyes. Doctors who stop, draw
the thin screen of curtain, and continually re-examine that which does not need
examination.
Great beauty is something Jasmine and I do not share.
I am glad of it.
"Your father may be here soon," I say.
"Last week he said he would come."
Jasmine says nothing. Her left eyelid flickers,
perhaps.
It is two months since the incident on her father's
fishing boat, since she fell overboard, sank, became entangled in the nets. It
was some time before anyone noticed, then there was panic. Her father hauled
her back on board and sailed for home. When he finally arrived, he carried
ashore what he thought was his daughter's body.
"Jasmine," I whisper. I want her to take our
baited name. I want her to swallow it.
Fortunately, there was a doctor in the village that
morning, a young man visiting relatives. It was he who brought this drowned
woman back from the brink, he who told me her story. She opened her eyes, he
said, looked up at her father and spoke a single word - then sank again, this
time into coma.
Barracuda. That is what Jasmine said.
When her father visits, he touches her hair, kisses
her cheek, sits in the orange plastic chair at the side of her bed and holds
her hand. Like my own father, he has the big, brown, life-roughened hands of a
fisherman. He too smells of the sea, and pretends he is a good, simple man.
Jasmine. We share so much, we are almost one.
I remember early mornings, my hair touched to wake me,
my father lifting me half-asleep from my bed, carrying me, dropping me into his
boat. His voice rough in my ear, his hands rough on my skin. I never wanted to
go, but I was just a child. He did as he wished.
I remember salt water, hot sun, my mother shrinking on
the shore. I remember the rocking of the boat, the screams of the gulls.
"Jasmine, you have a life inside you. Can't you
hear it calling?"
Nothing.
The ward door bangs, and I see Jasmine's father
walking towards us, carrying flowers. He smiles at me. Even in death, my own
child had my father's smile, and Jasmine's will have this man's. I know it.
He stops by her bed and touches her hair. Something
stirs deep inside me. I watch Jasmine's eyelids, waiting for her to
bite.
Ingen kommentarer:
Send en kommentar